Tyra Banks: My Idol/ Or my moral Failings

So here it goes. I have 2 full days until the semester starts at glorious NYU, and am at a loss at what to do with this bizarre free time in the NYC. Shop aimlessly at the overpriced Whole Foods and lament that the dehumanization of employees Wal-Mart uses to lower it's prices is not in effect here? Check. Drink 2 Buck Chuck wine from Trader Joe's that had to be purchased by a mother of a friend because they'll card my adorable 20 yr old ass? Check. Check. It's time, my friends, for some goal a-setting to commence. So here it goes, goes:

Goal numero one: Find job as a nanny! Specifically as one of those nannies for the rich couples in the upper east/west side who take the chillens to those "nanny-parks" where strange men make balloon animals--as seen on Law and Order: SVU with the delicious Mariska Hargitay and Christopher Meloni. Do I like kids? I mean, I'm just not sure that's relevant. Actually, my maternal instincts have begun to rear their ugly little heads post international travel and time spent in homes with little babies in India. (Sometimes I sound creepier than intended, I do hope you'll excuse me.) For a while I considered finding and punching holes into my older sister's contraceptive of choice in order to facilitate my aunt aspirations...but I believe this is a much more mature and legal way to funnel the mommy jeans. So, yes, I do believe I could handle...NAY be extraordinary at being a small child's adoring nanny (for the elite, uptown, crowd.)

Goal numero dos: Find myself a Sugar Daddy! Now, I know what you're thinking. Just because Ms. Tyra Banks spotlights Sugar Daddies/Babies on her show, does NOT necessarily mean she would approve of my pursuits. However, I recently calculated that post NYU I must make a starting salary of 50 K a year in order to afford my monthly rent, student loan payments, and food! (Heating/Cooling, doctors visits, and fun are already off the table). Therefore, becoming a "Sugar Baby," and having a random older male/female (who am I to discriminate?) pay my bills for me seems like the appropriate solution. After this realization of personal debt hit me like a hard on in a strip club, I was wrought by grief and sadness. Until suddenly, the golden idea occurred (while at lunch with my father)... get a Sugar Daddy! Since then, I have found an inner Nirvana-like peace that just seems to whisper..."Jaclyn, this is what you are supposed to do..."

I'll admit, I am seemingly a little concerned about my moral disintegration...but I'm hoping I'll get extra good people points by being a super nanny! Also, my Sugar Daddy will definitely NOT have children, especially my pseudo nanny children. In other words, I ain't no homewrecker...! And that, dear friends, is a sentiment, I am sure Ms. Banks would be super proud of. :)