Sunday, September 26, 2010

Senior Year. I live in San Gennaro. and eat too many cannolis.

When I was about 9, I was an absurdly precious child. I'm sure that doesn't come as a shock to anyone who has taken the time to read my blog (ya'll already know how awesome I am). One day, my grandad was dying. And I was in the hospital cafeteria with my mother, father, and uncle. I was instructed to sit at a table with said uncle whilst mis padres checked out the noms. It was during this moment of fear, sadness, and complete vulnerability that my uncle turned to me and said, "I am afraid to die. I want to be cryogenically frozen so that I can be brought back to life. You are the only one I trust to do this."

Recently, I have been thinking about this interaction. Not in terms of the existential crisis that it caused, or my nonexistent relationship with my uncle, or the fact that I am a bit on the cray cray side, but for the fact that apparently I give off a vibe that makes me irresistible to fuck with. True, I think in the case of uncle it was mo' crazy less malicious, but I have recently been told that, and I'm quoting here (as you can tell by the signs but I just like the way it sounds) "I fuck with you because you let me. And I can't with anyone else." As much as I appreciate honesty, and I do to a remarkable degree, I find the idea of mind-fuckery to be a bit too intense of a 'thing' to do because I let people.

But now, dear reader, now I can make soup with bok choy and tofu. and now I can put on my own eyeliner. And now I have paid my own Time Warner bill with my big girl checks. Now, dear reader, I know which cannoli places during san gennaro have the biggest/cheapest/yummiest noms and i know how to talk down prices from ten million dollars to free. I've made purchases at IKEA. I've become disgruntled and shoved some tourists, 'borrowed' straws from Starbucks and STARTED GOOGLING GRAD SCHOOLS.

Now, dear reader, I have begun to understand that tourists won't just move because they see they're in your way and you're carrying a large box. No. No. You must request movement with a jerk of your arm and grimace about the face. (lesson fo' life)

I've learned to make my own coffee. And party on my (completely less than stable) fire-escape.

So to you dear person who fucks with me because you can. i say. i'll probably still let you. because i am weak. but someday. someday. i will have a fire-escape which i am certain will hold my weight, and actual self worth. some day...

Until then, i'll settle for hot professors, baked goods, trader joe's wine (they upped it to $3! fascists...) and being a badass hipster in training. and so will you.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Really? I mean, really?

Dear Roommate (who shall not be named)--
I am hiding from you in my room. Mostly because your voice gives me a panic attack. But also because you came blasting into the apt screaming about who borrowed your monkey umbrella and broke it. Because it belonged to so and so and you were going to ship it back to so and so.

Mostly my umbrella was stolen on halloween and you said i could feel free to use any in the container by the door. Also, the umbrella was already broken, as I found out when I opened it in the rain. Also, the rain/wind broke it further. Also, it was exceedingly cheap as it broke so quickly. Also, I am not leaving my room for the rest of the night so you don't get a chance to yell in my face. Because that's really mean.

Also, I'm buying a new umbrella tom. From CVS. Because you frighten me on a deep deep level.


Saturday, March 27, 2010

how now brown cow

Sitting at computer. 2 hours. Reading texts from last night. Listening to Pandora. Help me. MUST. WRITE. PAPER. Must get off ass.

It's chilly today, which makes me not want to make the 30 min hike to campus. Problem? no campus no meal plan no meal plan no foodfood. Must shower/write 8 page paper. Can't seem to careeeeee.

Need a little inspiration in the form of attractive people carrying large platters of food. Especially cupcakes.

Have not seen any of my roommates in physical form since yesterday morning. Only heard voices. This is nice. Although it does make it more difficult for me to have convos with real life peeps, because i'm not so used to speaking anymore.

as soon as i make the decision to get off my ass, roommate will be in the bathroom. such is my life.

i need a cupcake. or self respect. or self restraint. or someone to write this stupid paper for me. stupidstupidstupid paper.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Today I watched the VIEW

All right. I know. I've been an absent poster as of late. it's almost like being an absent father. except worse. My lady parts are hurting today (too much info?), and I am avoiding writing my 8 page profile paper. It was originally supposed to be an interview until my interviewee blew me off. My prof was like, oh, he blew you off. And I was like "yes, like an 8th grade boy. badly." then prof laughed. more out of discomfort than amusement i should think. now i need to write an 8 pg profile of a man who is the epitome of all the little boys i hate.

i still love my cog neuro prof. and i'm meeting with her again next week! mostly because i need her help to write a research proposal. she does not know this. and i don't really think this is her job. plus she's really hot and intense and that makes me uncomfortable when i'm around her. but she's also really smart and therefore i shall suffer in discomfort!

i'm moving out of my apt in may! i am supes excited about this because my roommates hate me and i'm not completely convinced that they won't kill me in my sleep. that's why i appreciate lofty. my loft bed. because i get advanced warning (ladder climbing) of murderers and rapists.

i am still in love with theewhohasgirlfriendandiwanttomakesweetsweetlovetowhodoesn'treciprocate. girlfriend is still girlfriend. i am not. but I WILL WIN AT SOME POINT.

there is a crazy mo' fo' who makes weirdly insulting comments about jews, pregnant women, women, and others in one of my classes. i want to keep him from talking. like put my fist in his mouth and watch him gasp for breath and then laugh because he can't speak and because i don't have to listen to him speak and that would make me really happy, not as happy as cog neuro prof or "girlfriend" no longer being "girlfriend" but i am willing to accept smaller things first.

i am drinking diet sunkist.

passover is next week!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm a sad lady that i'm not home. maybe i should drink...that'd fix it!

Monday, March 8, 2010


Dear hot cog neuro prof,
You exam was hard. Very hard. And I studied. lots. Only for your test, in fact. None for my others (which i will now fail as well). This is why the whole, "your exam being extraordinarily hard" thing made me such a sad lady. I'm now drinking a diet coke, purchased for me by the lovely M, which is making me feel slightly better. And I talked to my friend who was very upset and helped me persepectivize my current drama. I now have to study for my balagan ( shit show) of the rest of the week. I also have 3 very large pimples. Which, are also depressing me currently. The loml (love of my life) is still happy with the gf and planning on being a cog neuro prof as well. You should be proud. I ate a falafal today, and am planning for pudding on thurs. Because, I can. I still like you, prof. But I am a sad sad lady. --j

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Midterms, Baked Goods, and inappropriate YouTubing

Midterms begin tom! And I have to do well on my cog neuro exam. Mostly because I'm in love with my prof. But also because I have strong amorous feelings towards someone who is now getting their PhD in the same subject. And when i commented to say congrats on facebook, because, i mean, i'm a creeper, I was the ONLY asshole who refused to comment on the status. And chose to do a wall post instead. Because I like to think I'm special. Really, I'm just as asshole. Although to be fair, I tend to think there are more assholes in this world so I wouldn't be the only one. For instance my life is filled with people who think I don't deserve as much attention as a dog. a dead dog.

This is a link someone sent to me in order to combat the midterm bluesies:
I find it incredibly entertaining. Albeit, against my will. Watch it!

So, 2 Wednesdays ago...I know I've sucked at blogging recently--Every thing was slightly strange. Question boy in statistics wasn't there to ask any questions--teacher was not making sense---weird asians were weird and made the teacher uncomfortable--and annoying girl in cog neuro rec't was all flirty with cog neuro t.a. Which is ridic because A) She's totes a lesbian and B) I'm the only one allowed to have inappropriate feelings towards cog neuro personnel.

Also, my back's starting to hurt which is my body's lovely way of saying "stop eating so many baked goods. fat ass." And that makes me sad a little. And then I take excessive amounts of pain killers so it stops hurting, and wash them down with banana pudding.

I want to send good vibes out this week--so that the positivity police will protect me and make good things happen! Mostly this means I need to avoid my roommate. And eat a lot of baked goods. And watch Spartacus: Blood and Sand online tonight to prep for tom. Mostly because there's a lot of blood (on the sand) and naked hot men. And naked hot xena:warrior princess. Actually I don't think xena's naked. I think I'm projecting on that.

I called a neurologist to ask if i could interview with him. He didn't have an emaill listed on his web page. What? Seriously? I was born in 89, I'm too fucking socially awkward to make a phone call! He hasn't called me back. It's ok. I'm being positive this week. And eating baked goods.

Happy midterms everyone! Except you, girl who flirts with cog neuro t.a. That's not okay with me. I'm judging you.

Friday, February 26, 2010

Yes, I am THAT lame

I feel somehow, anti-American today, dear readers. I don't really like snow days. Mostly, this is because they inconvenience my plans, don't occur when I really want them to, and cause me to stay cooped up in my apartment all day alone with my "roommates" (who hate meeeeeeeeeeeeee).

So, I shall blog! and eat cheerios! And celebrate my few moments of apartment solitude while watching my "Stories" and Divorce Court where a man just said, "She's got this independence thing in her head...this is MY HOUSE!" And then told the female judge that "I bet your husband runs your house!" Then talked a lot about G-d and said that He made women..."just to comfort man, not to run anything!"

I like this man. He reminds me of my friend "Mr weird dude" who hangs out on B and 3rd. Mr Weird dude hangs out on B and 3rd ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Some days I wonder if he's a dealer. He is totes sketch. But I never see him do anything. He just stands there. Even when it's cold. Except sometimes he'll ask peeps if they have a light. And most of the time they don't. And then he keeps standing there.

Last night I walked 30 min in a raging blizzard. Made it all the way to the theatre without falling! Then fell, ass submerged, into a puddle. Across the street from the theatre. Then sat, ass soaked, for 2 hours, watching the show then walked back home in the snow. I AM EPIC.

So, I FINALLY MET WITH MY COG NEURO PROF. And she is totes amazing. Although I'm still completely intimidated by her. In fact, I blew off another class 20 min early just so I didn't have to ask her to push back the time. She gave me this website where you can look up research and I spent like 8 hours doing it! And, therefore, NOT doing any of my homework. But I LOVE her the mostest, so it's okay.

Alas, dear readers, I shall put on pants. Brave the cold, drink some over-priced coffee and read about cognitive neuroscience!

Yes, I am THAT lame.