Slutting it Up For Chocolate Cake

I accidently just erased my entire blog post. Bare with me, I'm in mourning. Mourning the loss of unbridled brillance.

So, today I embarked upon a mission to fulfill a promise I made yesterday in ye ol blog post: going to Eldrige St Synagogue! (Sometimes I accidently spell it syna-gouge. Like gouge out my eyes. Or gouge out my soul. Whoops.) First I had to de-slutify myself. A most difficult task that involved LONG blue dress...past my knees...tank to cover my cleavage (ah, the wonders a push-up bra can do for 8 yr old boy chests) a jacket to cover my shoulders, and shoes that were NOT a made for walkin'. My first thought upon exiting me apartment building was, "Huh, I wonder if this dress is see-through in the sun?" It was gonna be one of those days...

So onward I trekked through the country that is china town to the synagogue of the lower east side Jews. (Actually first I passed it, then had to double back and was all, it's magnificent...I mean, I just walked right by that. And to the dumpling place. ((Not THAT dumpling place.)))

So, Eldridge is an Orthodox temple. I am reform. But, hey, it's like REALLY famous and pretty. Like Angelina Jolie. Who wouldn't want to go inside? Upon entering, I turned to the great ol staircase where I had to walk, in my un-walkable shoes in order to get to the balcony where the women sat and looked down (i'm gonna say it, a bit awkwardly) on the proceedings. When I reached the top the women turned to me in unison. And kept looking. And looking. For probs like 8 full seconds. Which may not seem like a lot, dear reader, but when you're alone in an Orthodox synagogue armed with only your serious doubts about your dress's visual impenetrability, it is an eternity. So, I sat. Alone. And listened. For 2 and a half hours. At the end of which there was chocolate cake! Score! and diet coke! Double score! During the 2 and a half hours. A few words of English were spoken. Many children ran around screaming, I got lost in the abyss of a basement attempting to find the latrine, and shofar man got increasingly red until he could barely blow (his horn) and I had to fight off the urge to hug him. Actually, for anyone who knows me, I don't exactly have the urge to hug strangers. But it felt like the right thing to say to normal readers.

The rest of my day was filled with martyrdom readings. Math that I don't understand at all because I haven't taken it in 5 years and am therefore filled with self-hatred and misery at the thought of... A new restaurant (which was awesome, but also the reason this blog posting has been interrupted by bathroom breaks) tootsie rolls, facebook, pandora, law and order, csi, house, and lots of nappy nap time. And now it is past midnight once more. Classes tomorrow. The dread fills my body already. Like the holy spirit. Except different. Nitey nite!