Blog Post, Long Overdue. From me, To you.

I am a lazy asshole. I awoke at 8, and stayed in bed til noon, because I had no desire to leave my warm nest that is lofty. I am now eating 1/2 cup of chickpeas and watching an infomercial about the "health master" because I do not have cable. Or I have a secret love attraction to it's maker, Montel Williams. Or both. Or neither. I'm considering making some roasted squash seeds. Or chickpeas. Or both. Not necessarily because I want them, but because I feel like a Native American. Using all the parts of the buffalo/squash. I feel clever, and useful, and inventful, and ultimately hipster all in one. I'm awaiting Matlock, which will start at 4. Still sitting in my Simpsons jammies and a half fur coat.

I have recently become frightened of being outdoors at night. Which is a problem, because it now gets dark at 4pm. This is mostly due to an episode of Criminal Minds in which hoodied dudes shot peeps point blank in the back of zee head. The prob is, that there are a LOT of sketch hoodied looking dudes on the l.e.s. and I not-so-secretly expect each and every one of them to shoot me in the back of my head. So, I keep awk-ly turning around to watch. Just in case.

I discovered last night that it truly is a small world/G-d likes to mess with me/I'm destined to get exactly what I want. Not because I should, but because it's destiny.

Emma Thompson put on a child prosti--tot (child prostitute)/child trafficking art show outside an NYU building. I didn't attend. Mostly because I was offended that I didn't get a formal invitation like Mayor Bloomberg. Speaking of which. I have decided that Mayor Bloomberg should adopt me and pay for my education. He's a billionaire. It's only fair. Oh, jammies. Oh, Sunday. My roommate told me I should go outside to "see the nice weather." The "stuff white people like" blog was right again! WE DO like making people feel guilty for not wanting to go outdoors!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, if Rachel Maddow of MSNBC was there, I would certainly make an exception.

Stay Tuned for my next blog post entitled: "I've started dreaming of inappropriate sexual relations, rainbow colored butterflies, and angry spiders. Aka I think the 99.6% of my building who smoke zee shit are adding something new..."